Have you ever experienced being stabbed at the back though you have given all of what you can give just for them?
Since then, I'm always asking my mom who happened to be the older version of me, if it is my fault to be always on top, nor to be the one who always leads. I love what I am doing. Especially in group activities, its okay if I would be chosen as the leader, I don't find it hard performing the task because I'm so used to it. It was just recently, when I started representing our university into different summits, seminars and competitions, also when I started holding a position in our publication.
I never bragged about all these. As much as possible, I tried to keep my feet on the ground because I believe that these are not the only basis of being a good person. For me,it is not a big deal at all.
Yeah, I have a story to tell, in high school, I had always felt that I am special. I felt that they can't do these and those without me. Because they let me grow like that, they made me feel that I am needed ALL THE TIME. So I lived with that kind of life where they depend on me and I depend on nobody.
But when I reached college, I thought life would be different, but the fate to lead and serve followed me until I always get the spotlight, though it was never my intention. Like I said in one of my columns, "Hindi ako nauuna, hindi lang talaga kayo sumasabay. Hindi hihinto ang paginog ng mundo para hintayin kayo."
I was able to say this line because of my anger. I was not doing anything to them. I am just doing my tasks as a student and by God's mercy, blessings abound and all I have to do is accept it. I also experience defeat and downs, and that is the one thing that I can't explain to them. I am not immortal, i also feel insecure at times and i also feel worthless at times.
I just wanted them to understand that it is hard. For a person who has no bad intentions, who is just doing things according to what he has planned, it is hard to be judged as "epal, mapapel" because, it would be so unfair.
I don not have any choice but to share what I have. God has given me a lot for me to share and if i share, please don't take it badly. I'm not competing with the people around me. I am just serving and sharing.Thank you!
:)
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